No, I Do Not Want to Go See Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Grey

“Ohh 50 Shades of Grey! Let’s get drunk and go see it!” No thanks, I’d rather scrape my face off with a rusty screwdriver. “But surely you will want to go see it, you’re all kinky and shit!” No. Not just no, but Hell No. I’m actually getting tired of having this conversation. The idea of sitting in a large darkened room filled with over-sexualised drunk women giddy on shitty wine giggling at the ridiculous story playing out on the silver screen is not a priority on my list and I’ll tell you why.

“You must not have read 50 Shades of Grey”

50 Shades of Grey

50 Shades of Grey

Oh yes I have. I did read it. I forced my way through the first two books and part of the third before I just couldn’t take it anymore. It was horrible. The writing was horrible, the story was horrible and the sex sounded so nauseatingly fake. Every time Anastasia bit her lip I rolled my eyes. Why was I wasting my time with this shit? I’ll tell you why – SEO purposes.

It’s difficult to go on the internet these days and not find some mention of 50 Shades of Grey. At this point in time it is a highly coveted keyword. As some of you may know, I do occasional copy-writing for adult websites. I write under several pseudonyms and of course last summer 50 Shades of Grey was a hot topic. The amount of articles I was commissioned to write last year about this horrific trilogy was astounding but it kept the money rolling in. It sure beat writing about snake oil and pharmaceuticals!

50 Shades of Grey Movie

Fifty Shades of Grey Movie – You can’t make me.

When I got to the second book and someone pulled a gun I thought, “YES!!!!” Then I realised there was another book and a half to go :( BOOOO! I had hoped that it was the end of the painful experience. If I wanted to be knowledgeable about the subject du jour I was forced to push through with the task at hand. In the end I got about half way through book three, stopped and had a fan tell me the ending. It sounded like a bad made-for-tv-movie. These books just weren’t for me.

While the books in my opinion were horrible they had an unmistakable impact on the BDSM scene. The book gave many the confidence to try something new. The scene was flooded with so many newbies. Fetish events were amazingly crowded and munches doubled and even tripled in size.

It got to a point where the long time players were beginning to feel pushed out and inconvenienced by the mad rush of Fifty Shades n00bs. Some bondage beginners thought that Fifty Shades was a how to guide on how to act when partaking in bondage. There was an influx of clueless newbies stepping on a lot of toes but as time went on the fad passed and the ones that remained gave the scene an invigorating boost of fresh blood. They stuck around for the long haul, took in as many demos as they could and followed up their Fifty Shades with other great books on BDSM to help flesh out their knowledge. They sought out more experienced players in their local scenes to learn all they could. Brilliant!

50 Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Grey

One year later these newbies are now intermediate players who have enriched not only their lives but the BDSM scene with fresh new blood. There are now plenty of new people to play with and intermix into the existing crowd. In a world where at times it seems like you’ve met and possibly played with everyone in the vicinity this surge of new people can be a refreshing thing. Will the Fifty Shades of Grey movie bring in another wave of new blood for us all? Time will tell.

Regardless of all this, you still won’t find me watching this sodding movie. Maybe I’ll watch the Lego version instead.

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No, I Do Not Want to Go See 50 Shades of Grey
I'd rather scrape my face off with a rusty screwdriver than watch 50 Shades of Grey. I was not a fan of the books, but they did have a positive impact; let me tell you why.

What are your thoughts?