My Life Is A Reality TV Show
The following are real-life American and United Kingdom reality television shows. The questions are based on the premise of the corresponding reality show.
1. (Sex Sent Me To The ER) Did you ever have to seek medical attention for a sex-relation problem (aside from routine care, STDs etc)?
No story to tell here, just the average cut or scrape which was taken care of with basic first aid. There was the time I figured out I had a latex allergy after a week filled with sex protected by latex condoms. My vulva was throbbing on the 10 hour plane ride home!
2. (Survivor) Have you ever been stranded anywhere with a group of strangers?
Can’t think of anything Survivor like. One time I was at the movie theatre when the fire alarm went off. We all walked out and they told us to go back to our seats. Then the movie didn’t start back up for about half an hour. I don’t think we were going to have to live off the fat of the sticky movie theater but we did start feeling stranded after a while.
3. (The Amazing Race) Have you ever had a free-form, play-it-by-ear international trip or done a scavenger hunt whose clues/challenges took you out of your home country or state?
No, but that does sound fun!
4. (Marriage Boot Camp) Have you ever had group couples therapy? How did that work out?
I offered to go with my ex husband but he decided to be a total cunt instead. There aren’t many people in the world I would want to watch die in a fire, but he’s one of them!
5. (Airline) Have you been involved in a contentious situation with any airline personnel. Tell us what happened?
My first flight ever I was so extremely nervous. I took a prescription tablet to help calm me down for the flight so I was feeling quite happy. I followed instructions, I boarded when they called my row, stored everything either under the seat in front of me or in the overhead storage. I even put on my seatbelt. When one of the flight attendants came around she told me I needed to bring my seat up to it’s full upright position. I apologized and said ‘Ok, how do you fix it?’ as I was searching for a button or lever. She got arsey with me and said in a very stern voice, ‘The same way you reclined the seat!’ Still searching I looked right at her and told her I didn’t recline it and I didn’t know how to bring the seat back up. She told me that yes I did recline it (?!?) and to put it back upright.
Thanks to this mild tranquilizer emotions were starting to swim at this moment, I was either going to curb stomp this bitch if she didn’t just point to the fucking button or I was going to burst into inconsolable tears and start clawing at the door to get off the plane. In this moment I caught a glimpse of someone pressing the button to test out their seat across the isle from me and from that sight I was able to locate the sodding button. I pressed it and brought the seat up the ever so dangerous 2 degrees. Fuck that bitch. I didn’t see her the rest of the flight which was nice.
6. (What Not To Wear) Have you ever had a complete makeover–hair, fashion/wardrobe, huge weight-loss? Did you do this on your own or did a spouse, friend, significant other encourage the change? Tell us about your transformation.
Well I once lost 70 lbs by stopping my anxiety tablet and becoming very OCD (the tablet was for treating OCD as well!) about calories. The obsession got quite unnerving so I quit while I was ahead. To bad most of the weight came back!
I’ve also done random makeovers for photo shoots usually held by friends or family. The outcomes were not always great, people would look at the pictures and give the polite, “WOW! Just… Wow!” or they would come right out and say that the look didn’t really suit me.
7. (How Clean Is Your House?) Have you ever had a guest or relative visit your home and blatantly criticize its cleanliness, orderliness and/or actually clean or rearrange things with or without your permission?
There used to be a friend of my husband’s who would come around and tell us that our (tidy) house was filthy. He would also never sit down on anything, one time he brought his own chair to sit in. He invited his friends to come around to our house (class act, hu? wait it gets better) and I could hear him telling them, “Look, this isn’t my house ok, it’s very dirty inside so please don’t judge me.”
What a cunt. He’s currently in jail for false imprisonment and sexual assault Maybe someone’s there to complain about the state of his jail cell.
Bonus: What is it? Explain how you would use it.
It looks like some sort of male masturbator made from UR3 or cyber skin material. I’m going to bet that one of its main selling points is that it can be used in the car or caravan. Don’t leave home without it!
How to play TMI Tuesday:
Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment here, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!