So you’re new to the fetish scene and you want to hit the ground running. Or maybe you’ve been kinky all your life yet struggle to meet other kinksters. This inaugural step isn’t always obvious when you’re first coming out of the kinky closet. If you’re looking to expand your friends base with a bevy of fetish minded companions, your best bet is to attend a local munch.
If you’ve never been to a Munch before, it’s a very casual social gathering, usually in a pub, coffee shop or restaurant for people who are interested in BDSM. Going to a munch can often help those who are curious about BDSM meet others, become more comfortable, and better informed about the scene. Most of the time the main focus of a munch will be just simply socialisation but from time to time there will be informative and sometimes interactive demonstrations. Munches are also great places to meet potential play partners in a safe and semi-public environment.
Getting ready for your first munch
So how do you even find out when and where these munches happen? Most munches happen at least once a month. A quick search on Google for munches in your city may help you find a website or general information. Sometimes there are groups on websites like Yahoo Groups or Meetup.com which might get you pointed in the right direction. The more popular choice is by using BDSM related social media websites such as FetLife. Have a search for your town or nearest city, you will most likely find that you are surrounded by kinky folk! If you’re concerned about coming out in the area you live in, feel free to look at other towns if you’re willing to travel for your kinky social time.
Once you have found what you’re looking for you can poke around in the group and maybe read about the locals. If there’s a group forum, post a quick introduction and say hello. Find out who the group admin is and introduce yourself. Let them know your situation, they meet new people all the time and will be accommodating. Some groups will often have a meet and greet for new people to help calm your nerves before you dive in the deep end.
Going to your first munch
You’ve RSVP’d to your first munch and the day has come. Check if there are any special instructions on how to find the group. Are they in a private function room? Is there a plushie on the table to look for to identify the group? The dress code for a munch is simply whatever you would wear to meet your friends at a pub for lunch. Don’t wear anything that would announce to the rest of the pub that you’re sat with a group of kinky people. Be discrete, don’t want to give yourself or your new friends away.
Grab yourself a drink, have a seat and introduce yourself to the person next to you. Some new people will find they won’t even get that far before someone introduces themselves first. Be friendly but keep in mind that some people will want to keep their fetish life and real life completely separate and they may not even give you their real name. Don’t ask for every little detail in someone’s life. Don’t ask about occupations unless the other person volunteers the information. The Managing Director of that major corporation may not want anyone to know he enjoys a wet and messy nappy.
What can I expect at a munch
I’m sure there are still a hundred questions swimming around in your head right now so I will do my best to answer the major ones. The biggest concern to newbies is often about the level of openness at a munch. There won’t be people having sex on the tables, there won’t be any nudity, there more than likely won’t be any open displays of BDSM behaviour. A munch is simply a way for kinky friends to socialise, they save play time for the fetish events.
- Will the rest of the pub know I’m attending a munch or that there’s one taking place there?
Not unless you walk in shouting, ‘I’m here for the munch cos I’m a big kink machine!’ Munches are usually set up in advance with the pub landlord if they are to be held in their function room, often times the bar staff will be too busy pulling pints to care what’s going on in the function room. If your local group has taken over a few tables in a quiet corner of the pub, the outward appearance would simply look like a large gathering of friends.
- What do people talk about at a munch?
Anything and everything. I’ve talked to other people at a munch about knitting, constipation, restraints, the weather, quantum physics, fetishes, food, whips, travel, sex toys, programming languages, Photoshop… you get the idea.
- Will there be creepy people there?
Maybe, who knows? There are creepy people on the bus and in the supermarket. Same thing. Don’t like them? Don’t talk to them!
- Will people try to touch me or try to chat me up in a perverted way?
Probably not, It’s about as likely as an average night out at a pub except most people into BDSM follow a universal protocol which requires your consent first before they start touching you.
- These people are down to fuck, am I right? I can show up and be guaranteed to get laid!
Slow your roll there Don Juan. Munches are not meat markets and everyone should be treated with respect. Acting like a slimy asshole will give you a bad reputation which will be very hard to shake. Also, if you’re a Dominant, don’t expect every submissive in the room to follow any of your orders. Just because they’re submissive doesn’t mean they are YOUR submissive.
- What if my boss/mother/sister/Vicar is there?
Are they attending the munch? Buy them a drink and chat as you would normally, you both obviously have something in common. Are they in the pub not attending the munch? Stop by, say hello and if they ask, you’re there with friends you met from *blank*
- Is there any unspoken protocol I should know about as far as Doms and subs?
At a munch you can pretty much play it by ear. Often couples will be their normal selves at a munch. Just keep an eye out for boundaries. Some couples feel in their element at a munch and may not welcome external contact. This is especially true to D/s couples. As a courtesy, ask the Dominant if you may speak to their submissive, or wait to see if the submissive initiates conversation to know what is welcome. When in doubt, ask.
What if I didn’t like the munch
So you went to a munch and didn’t like it. What was it that you didn’t like? Was it the people or location? No worries, you have a few choices here. You can give it another chance and attend the following munch, try to find another munch in the next town or you can give them a miss completely. No one ever said going to a munch was mandatory if you’re going to be kinky.
So what was your first munch like? Did you like it? Hate it? Did you drive two hours away so you could guarantee you wouldn’t see anyone you knew? Let me know by leaving me a comment below. If you have any further questions about going to a munch, please do not hesitate to ask!